Metro Detroit Birth Stories

Birthing Without Fear, Living in Trust - Lauren's Story

• Exie Buehler • Season 4 • Episode 35

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In this beautiful episode of Metro Detroit Birth Stories, Lauren shares the story of welcoming her daughter, her first child, and the final piece of her and her husband’s blended family.

Unsure of how to begin planning for birth, Lauren found guidance and inspiration through a surprising connection with a previous guest, Elise, whose prenatal yoga classes opened the door to a whole new world of possibilities. 

Through Elise and her fellow prenatal yoga class attendees, Lauren learned about Hypnobirthing, midwives, prenatal massage, and—most importantly—how to advocate for the care that aligned with her vision. 

 With curiosity and trust as her guide, and a circle of support around her, Lauren stepped into birth with confidence and clarity.  This is a story about community, self-trust, and the quiet strength that comes from being seen, supported, and informed. If you’ve ever wondered how much your birth experience can shift when you have the right people around you—this one’s for you!

Some of Lauren & Keith's support circle:

Prenatal Yoga Instructor: Elise Bowerman, Birth Humanity

Hypnobirthing Instructor: Janice Weaver, Peaceful Birthing

Prenatal Massage Therapist: Kristen Woudstra, Oakland Prenatal Massage

Learn about OB care and Midwifery Care

Which Model of Care Feels Best for You?

I want to hear from you! Tell me your thoughts on this episode, or request to share your birth story in an upcoming episode.

Questions or Comments? Contact or Follow Exie


DISCLAIMER: The thoughts and opinions expressed on Metro Detroit Birth Stories are those of the participants. They do not represent any organization or profession. This show is meant to be informative, educational, and entertaining. Nothing in any episode (past, present, or future) should be construed as medical advice or take the place of your medical professional.
Music: https://www.purple-planet.com

Exie:

Welcome to Metro Detroit Birth Stories, where we celebrate the power, wisdom, and beauty of birth. One story at a time. I'm your host, Exie Buehler a birth and postpartum doula, childbirth educator, and maternal mental and emotional wellness coach. My passion for supporting birthing families began 20 years ago. And has only grown since then in this space, you'll hear real birth stories from Metro Detroit and beyond, along with insights from my work that might resonate with your own journey because every birth story matters and every journey deserves to be heard. Please note that this podcast is intended for entertainment and informational purposes only. The stories shared are from the perspective of the person sharing it and do not represent my thoughts, opinions, or views. I am a non-medical professional whose thoughts, opinions, and views are my own. So nothing said should be construed or understood as medical advice. Please discuss all of your concerns or questions with your pregnancy provider. Now, let's hear today's story. Hi Lauren. How are you doing today?

Lauren:

I'm so well, it's really nice to meet you. Hi.

Exie:

Likewise. I'm happy to to put a face to the story that

Lauren:

I know, right?

Exie:

It was a really beautiful story to to hear, and I'm very grateful that you agreed to share it with the listeners of Metro Detroit Birth Stories and anyone on YouTube who is also likes that format. We will add some things to it so they can watch the video as well if they'd like to see your lovely face.

Lauren:

Great. That's awesome. Thank you.

Exie:

You're welcome. So do you wanna just give a brief intro of who you are and then we'll get into your birth story?

Lauren:

You got it. Yeah. So my name is Lauren Hawkins-Berndt, and I live in Commerce Township 42. I do digital marketing, so I work for digital marketing agency. And my husband and I went to high school together, but we did not reconnect tell later years. And so we share a recently 13 as of yesterday, 13-year-old daughter. She's my bonus daughter. And then we also have a almost 3-year-old. So we talk about my husband being the saint of having like a perimenopause wife and a 13-year-old preteen and like a two and a half year old toddler. Right. So, yes. Yeah. So we have, we have quite the busy household, but wouldn't do it any other way. Yeah.

Exie:

Beautiful. well thanks for sharing that. And whenever you're ready, let's

Lauren:

Great. Okay. Yeah, this is, this is a really exciting story for, for me to tell. I am, I, I'm really proud of this story and, you know, through this journey I didn't necessarily know that people had birth stories. I definitely learned about'em through this process of being pregnant into, into postpartum, and I became really interested in this whole notion of birth and what stories were, and I'd always heard people tell me there were story, but I never like connected the dots to like, that was your birth story, right? Like, people would, like my sister-in-laws and friends. Would share, but I just didn't really connect the dots until I experienced it myself. And I got really passionate about it because as, as I'll share here in a few, I had a really beautiful birth story. It's something that I really cherish and it's something that I'm really proud of and it's something that I really love sharing. And when I reflected on it, you know, in kind of my postpartum phase, I, I kind of started to look around in like my circle, you know, even my family or friends and like birth stories, like weren't shared, like the one that I had, it was just, it was just different. No, no, worse, no any, it was just different, right? And so it, it made me think like, wow, you know, I don't even know if, if so many moms out there. Know that they can have an input into how their birth story goes. You know, I, I really did so much reflection afterwards where like, I would listen back and I'm like, I don't even think my sister-in-law understood she had a choice. Like, like, right. Like, there are all these things that just like started popping up into me, or I was like, I don't know if my friend knew that she could advocate for something different. Right. And so, you know, I became just like really passionate about, about that and, and like really feeling deeply that, gosh, every like mom should have the ability to birth however that looks for them, right? But that it should really feel sacred and not just something that they do. Like we just, we just give birth. Right? And that's like what I was so used to hearing until I walked. My own journey and I was like, no, wait. Like we don't just have to do this. This is like a, an experience that like really matters, right? And so I think when I look at our birth story, my husband and I, you know, knew we wanted to have a, a joint child together. And I can remember, you know, waking up and being like, I, I think, I think we're gonna get the test right? And I had woke up and he was still sleeping'cause I was just eager to do it. And, you know, I took the pregnancy test and yeah, it came back positive and I felt really clear that like, yep, I'm pregnant. This is all the things. And since the very beginning we felt like really spiritually attached to to our baby. And I, I shared with you that, you know, shortly after we found out that we were pregnant, right? We got a phone call that my husband's grandfather had passed away. And he was really close with. And you know, we're driving to then now spend time with the family and it's like, yeah, winter time, January. Right? And you don't see too many rainbows in January. Right. And we were driving and over this like Misty Lake, we see this rainbow and we both look at each other and we kind of instantly knew that like he was totally gonna be blessing you know, this baby and that they have connected in, in some way.'cause like we're the only ones on the road. So even from that moment, Keith and I, my husband, are pretty intentional people in general. So we were able to like lean into that moment and be like, this means something, you know, to us. So really kind of fast forward, I think my journey began as a little, like unknowing. I didn't exactly know what the path was gonna be for me, but what I did know was I was like, oh my, the owner of the company that I worked for at the time as wife was a prenatal yoga teacher, and I had kind of known what she had done. I'd met her a handful of times and I was like, I think that's what people do. I think they go to prenatal yoga, right? So I was like, that's where I'm gonna start. I'm gonna go to prenatal yoga because that's what I think I should do. That's really how I thought about it. And I showed up empty handed, had no idea what I was doing, and then they were like the gal that was checking me and was like, oh, do you have like your mat and all your things? I'm like. Nope. And I was like, I didn't really know what I'm doing. And so I like, you know, quickly kinda got off all this stuff that was in kind of the waiting area and I entered class and, you know my personality type is, is definitely a learner. So I sat right in the front and I was really intrigued with Elise Bowerman, who was teaching the class and my, my boss's wife. And so we were sitting there and I was just kinda enthralled after the first class because even just in that, that first thing she was talking about things that I didn't even, I didn't even know about my own body and she didn't do it in a way that was like, you know, confusing. It was just very matter of fact. Like, okay, like we're gonna sit in, you know, so grab your sit bones or feel your sit bones. We're gonna like, and I was like. I don't know what a sit bone is. Right. You know, and so I'm looking around at the room and I was like, oh God. And, you know, then we're doing like breathing work and it's like, you know, feeling these different, you know, things. And I was like, oh my gosh. Like I, I'm about to have a baby. And I just like, I don't have any, I don't have a clue what my, what is inside of my body, outside of like, what will you learn, you know, over, over time. And so that was a real light bulb moment for me where I was like, okay, I gotta kinda learn what's going on and what's gonna be happening to me, you know, over the next nine months.

Exie:

Yeah.

Lauren:

and the community of women that Elise put together in the class were, were so instrumental in my phase of learning because it was, it was people that were women that were. Nine months pregnant and there were people like me that were maybe like two months pregnant. Right. So it was this huge spectrum of wise women, you know, gathering together to what you think is just a yoga class. Right. That's definitely how I thought it was gonna be. We're just gonna do some yoga, get my body ready and stuff. But it, it became this place that was like deeply sacred and where. So much of what I learned in the coming months was gonna stem from, so every week that I would go back, I feel like I was learning like another thing, right? We'd come back into class and we'd always open with kind of telling, you know, what was going on with, you know, you from the weeks prior, what's happening with baby, what's happening at home, et cetera. And these just like little nuggets really kept getting dropped of like oh, you know, I'm interacting with with this provider, or I'm interacting with here. And I kept being like, huh. Huh. And you know, my mind is just like bouncing all over the place. And at the time I was working with an OB'cause you know, my mom had a, had a midwife and I knew that, but it didn't, didn't connect for me initially when I, when I was pregnant, that was something that I, that I would do. And we were working with an ob. Again, I, I didn't really know early on, you just kind of Googled. I, I asked for some referrals and then I just like Googled people around me, you know, and I was like, okay, well I guess I need an OB now, right? And we get an OB and it was, it was fine, you know. But then. I learned in our yoga class that you could choose to a certain degree where you wanted to birth. Right? That like you didn't necessarily have to birth the hospital that was the closest to you. That, and, you know, in some situations you could birth where you wanted to birth. And I was like, huh. Didn't know that. So I didn't necessarily want to birth in the hospital. That was closest to me. I definitely wanted to birth in Henry Ford, west Bloomfield. That just somewhere that I, I've heard along the way was really good. I've got a girlfriend that works there and I was like okay. So I went back to my OB and I was like, Hey, I want a birth at Henry Ford. What does that look like? And they were like, we don't, we don't deliver there.

Exie:

Right.

Lauren:

So I was like, okay. And then, you know, come back to my yoga class. I'm like, okay, what, what do I do now? My OB doesn't birth there, right? And they were like, oh, then just go and seebie at Henry Ford. And I was like. Okay, so I go to Henry Ford. I go and I start to see some obs there. And you know, I went in very open but my husband and I just didn't have a great, good experience. It doesn't mean that it's, it, it was wrong for anybody. It just wasn't, I think what I had envisioned, especially since I was in a group of women who I was starting to hear from, like what their experiences were

Exie:

Mm-hmm.

Lauren:

initially then what I was receiving didn't meet what I had necessarily wanted. Right. It was a little short, it was really medical. I didn't really feel cared for. I think at one time a doctor was like, I don't even know. He spent the whole time like talking about himself. It, it just was, it just felt really weird. It was weird. Yeah. He was like talking about the, like he had like the highest score in his medical class. Like it just, there was all these like really weird. Weird things.

Exie:

you that he's a quality provider?

Lauren:

Yes. Which I was starting to learn from my yoga circle. Right. That, that was making me feel a little inferior. Right. Where I was like, where I was like, wait a second. And I was like, I'm, I'm the center here. Right. Me and my baby are the most important thing in the room. So if you are feeling like you are the most important thing in the room, like we might be disconnected emotionally. Right.

Exie:

right. That's an excellent point. And did you feel connected to your previous OB? That was at a different hospital.

Lauren:

I don't think that we, we only had met a couple of times, so maybe, maybe more so For sure. Maybe more so, but, but there wasn't enough of a, a timeframe for us to really get

Exie:

it.

Lauren:

there. It, yeah. Yeah. So a little bit different.

Exie:

where were you in your pregnancy when you tried to make the switch to Henry

Lauren:

So I was probably a, yeah, I was probably five or so months, five, six months in. So yeah, we were getting, getting there, right. And every time we would leave, I looked at my husband and he could sense it to again, like pretty intuitive people. And I was just like, I just don't love this. Right? And you know, I shared that story when I came back to my Yoga Circle group and you know, as we're sharing, I was like, this is kind of what happened. I didn't feel great about that. And you know, I think it may have been Elise who said, well, you know, you can, you can try OB or you know, midwives at Henry Ford, they have a wonderful midwife program there. And I was like, huh, here I got again. Right? All these light bulb things. I was like, I can do that. And I was like, I don't even know how to do that. And you were, she was like, you just ask.

Exie:

Mm-hmm.

Lauren:

the next statement I'm gonna make, gosh has stayed with me even through today as now a mom, you know, mothering, you know, two, two children here, earth side. I, I remember feeling a little frustrated with like, what do you mean I can see mid midwives, right? And I was like, why? I said to her, and I was like, why wouldn't that have been offered to me? Like, why wouldn't I have when I became a patient, you know, why would somebody have not said to me, Hey, here are all your options. What feels right to you? Right. And I felt like really frustrated with that. And she said to me, you know, very lovingly and also very direct, right, that nobody is gonna give you all of the answers. It's your job as a mom to now seek them out. It's the most like divine responsibility to be a mom

Exie:

Mm-hmm.

Lauren:

and you have to seek out what you want.

Exie:

Yeah.

Lauren:

I was like. Okay.

Exie:

Yeah. It's a, it's a big responsibility, but what everything that you've said kind of speaks to the power dynamics that we are raised to just conform to

Lauren:

Yes.

Exie:

little life

Lauren:

Yeah. Yeah.

Exie:

through. Especially when you said that the doctor was making you feel inferior, because that hierarchy in the

Lauren:

Yes.

Exie:

we all are used to it. It's just we don't question anything. So for her to say that to you, that was incredibly profound. And I'm sure a little bit like, oh dear.

Lauren:

Yeah, Exie, that's exactly what it felt like. I was like, oh gosh. Right, because you're exactly right. Like we, especially when it comes to medical treatment, we really just go along with what our providers kind of telling are, tell us, you know, believing that they have our best interests in heart and, and, and all of them, most of them do, right. It's just, you know, if you're looking for a connection that, that feels different, like. You, you can have that,

Exie:

Mm-hmm.

Lauren:

know, and, and that advocacy in your, in your voice and, you know, really thinking through that was, was a really powerful moment for me where I was like, okay, I cannot be a passenger in my birth, right? Like, I have to be the driver. And that was that moment where I was like, okay, got it. And so we ended up switching to the midwife team. Ironically, I had a lifelong friend who just transferred to Henry Ford on the OB team, or on the midwife team. So I, it was awesome because I was able to, to begin to see her and a couple other gals that she worked with. And it was, it was night and day. It really was. You know, I know a lot of people, you know, say that and, you know, but it, it really was night and day and, you know. My oldest daughter was able to come in, into the room for some appointments also, and, you know, do the monitoring, hearing the heartbeat, and it, it was very calm and conversational and warm. And I was like, okay, we're on the right, we're on the right path. This is definitely where, where we're going. And then it was that, that, that conversation with Elise was that moment of enlightenment

Exie:

Mm-hmm.

Lauren:

for me, where it was like, okay. And then, you know, we heard some people in, in yoga class that worked with Janice Wheeler and, and doing hypnobirthing. Right. And yet telling my Theo, everybody knows Janice. Right. Every time I talk about it, everybody's like, oh yeah, Janice. And at that time, I had no idea who Janice was.

Exie:

Right, right.

Lauren:

And we had to do a virtual class'cause you know, it was a year or so after COVID, so it was still, still virtual. And I, I chatted with my husband that there were some women in class that had taken Hypnobirthing through, through Janice. And it was something that I was really interested in. And my husband's a beautiful supporter of, you know, things that I wanna try. And he's definitely an active participant and he was curious, you know, he has a, we, he has an older daughter, you know, from our previous marriage. And, you know, it was a beautiful birth, you know, in in what he knew at the time. Right. And, and that's kind of the, the evolution is that like, when we know better. We can do differently, you know? And so the birth with his first daughter was, was beautiful and, and great. And she's this beautiful 13-year-old, right? But he definitely was, was a passenger in the birth. And he didn't, again, he didn't know either any differently, didn't, didn't question anything. It was like, okay, we do this, we go in,

Exie:

Mm-hmm.

Lauren:

I stand here I cut the cord, then I hold Right. That, that was kind of like what his motion was, right? And what, what he was told and knew to do.

Exie:

Mm-hmm.

Lauren:

when we opened up this kind of chapter and I was like, here's what we're gonna do. And he had to see those hypno birthing classes with, with Janice and the other parents that were on there. It was so eye-opening to him and really transformational that he, he also was like. Wow, this is a really big deal and we can do things differently and I can be involved differently and I can support you differently. And this is really exciting. And he was with me, you know, through all, through all the classes and was really participatory and would, would speak up and began to really understand what his role was gonna be in this birth. Which, you know, in, in talking to Elise who kind of coached me a lot is that like men really need that role and they need to understand and be kind of directed to what they're going, what they're going to be doing. And my husband is, is very much like that. He's a, he's a builder, he's a mechanic. He's hands on, right. So it's like you gotta give him a job

Exie:

Right.

Lauren:

kind of do, and then he'll knock it out of the park, right.

Exie:

Right. Yeah. And the messaging that, again, back to that messaging that we have societally, is that the fathers are bystanders to this experience. And so everything that you said about his first experience kind of just reinforces that messaging that, know, this is all about her. This

Lauren:

Mm-hmm.

Exie:

to do with you. You have very little that you can do. And we do need to change that. Men want to be involved, but like you said, they don't always know how, because that's not what has happened generations past.

Lauren:

Mm-hmm.

Exie:

not what is messaged now. So

Lauren:

And you know, we're making, if you don't talk about it prior to, then we're making like really rash decisions in the moment of labor,

Exie:

Exactly.

Lauren:

now they're, they're panic driven, you know, or they're a little more chaotic. And then the husband doesn't really necessarily, the partner doesn't necessarily know how to, how to support. And so like, if, if that can kind of be nurtured and talked about, about how we're gonna work together to bring this baby earth side, then, you know, the, the father has the ability to be right there and experience it in the way that a father does, right?

Exie:

right. Yeah.

Lauren:

that was really incredible. She, she helped us immensely and, and really just understanding, gosh, birth, birth, not only what's gonna happen, but just like the psych psychology of birth, which is fascinating, right? And like where gosh, like that could talk about that, that forever, right? Like that is just fascinating. And my husband also found that and how things changed and like, how did you know in the course of our modern medicine, how did we go from, you know, birthing with midwives and circles of women and how, how over time did we get here

Exie:

Yeah.

Lauren:

like, you know, a male, primarily male dominated, you know, OB system.

Exie:

Mm-hmm.

Lauren:

you know, she talked about that in, you know, our education class, which I felt like really helpful to understand how babies were born at one period and how just life changed that, you know? And that was really fascinating for me. So, you know, we continue through with Janice and was, we're feeling really good about, about things and go back to yoga class, talk about it. And then somebody talks about the fact that they're doing prenatal yoga, massage. Like massage, right? And I was like, oh, again, feels like something I should be doing. All these little, all these little wisdom things, right? And you learn again about how much taking care of yourself being pregnant is really gonna help, you know, not only the ease of your delivery, but also like prepping you the things that I was learning with Janice through hypnobirthing. And then also being able to like, receive you know, massage and receive comfort was all, was something that I definitely wanted, wanted to, to do. And so we hired Kristen at Oakland, prenatal massage, and oh my gosh, Kristen became like. A part of our family because, and, and her business model at the time was doing at home massage. So we were really fortunate to bring her into our home and you know, slowly my husband started getting in on them as well. And I really encouraged that because, you know, the both of us that can stay in a really, you know, calm state and that we can learn how to relax, you know, we, we both need that as we're kind of going towards the end of, of pregnancy. Like we both need, we both need that big time. And Kristen was just absolutely instrumental in our kind of birth team. And you know, at when you start to get later into pregnancy, you very much look forward to those massage appointments because. Your body just isn't moving the same way and you're not sleeping the same way. And to have somebody help you through that, I mean, gosh. Right? Like she, we would talk about sleeping positions and Chris, and I'm like, you know, so she's like my massage therapist, right? But we're also talking about like, what do I do with this belly and like, how do I sleep? You know what I mean? And she would send me all these pillows and, you know, all these different things that from a, you know, therapeutic side,

Exie:

Mm-hmm.

Lauren:

were gonna be helpful for me. So you learn that all these people that are in the birthing community just have like, so much knowledge and you just like wanna soak it all up'cause they're there to help women like me, right? Deliver babies. So we kind of move, we're kind of now getting closer to the end of our, our birth and, you know, we had asked Elise to be our doula.

Exie:

Mm-hmm.

Lauren:

So we got to that point where we felt really really confident that, that, that we, we wanted that layer of support as well. And so Elise came in to, to become our doula. And we worked together months prior to, to actually having our baby. And we worked on that kind of stuff. We worked on, you know, what's the birth plan, what do I want and don't want, what is Keith's role gonna be? How do I wanna be supported? And you know, Elise really helps ask those questions of, like, Lauren, if you are in intense labor. How do you want Keith to show up? Is touching helpful? Is talking helpful, right? Because not everybody wants to be like touched and not everybody wants to be talked to. Right? And that was, those were questions that I was like, oh gosh, like I'm so glad that we're talking about this because you're right. Like this might look and feel, feel different. And so we had to like start having those conversations of, you know, hey, when I feel like I'm in, you know, a surge or pain, how do I want you to show up?

Exie:

Mm-hmm.

Lauren:

You know, how do we want our room to be and what type of intervention? You know, we, we knew really early on that we were gonna have a no intervention birth. And you know, Exie, that was, that was really interesting when we decided to have a no a no intervention birth. When I would share that with people, this was something that was really interesting to me and something I was not prepared for, nor did I even think about. I didn't necessarily have the most like warming response to that.

Exie:

Mm-hmm.

Lauren:

Which was so interesting. E even now I think about it, the, the responses that I got from, from women, right? Were Oh yeah. Like, I wish I could have done that, but no, give me all the drugs

Exie:

Right.

Lauren:

or yeah, we'll see you say that now, but we'll see what happens when you actually get into the room. And I was like, what an interesting, and, and it was like that almost all the time. It was very seldom that there was like an encouraging vibe of like, yeah, like, mama, go and do this. Like, you can do it. Like, that was very seldom, very seldom. And you know, when I, when I had to kind of unpack that, like Elise and I unpacked that, unpacked that a lot and. That's their own story that they're telling themselves of maybe something that they wanted to have done differently. And so it's really like a defense mechanism. If somebody wanted to change something or looking, reflecting back, they're like, man, I wish I could have done it. And that's also something that I try to do today too. And I tell you that I'm, I'm passionate about it, is like supporting women in any choice that they wanna make and just, just being there and like cheering, cheering them on.'cause it's hard. And when, when women say that my path is to do without intervention, like celebrate that and, and also for the women that, you know, maybe wanted to do things differently, like there's always the power of repair, you know, and going through and like having that conversation and speaking that out loud and saying that truth. And that's why I think I'm so passionate about people getting. Knowing that they have the ability to do something differently. Because if you just went into the system and you were like, okay, this is what we do, maybe that wasn't like truly aligned

Exie:

Mm-hmm.

Lauren:

with your heart. Right? And then you have feelings afterwards,

Exie:

Right.

Lauren:

know? So that was, that was a little interesting as we worked through, through that piece. But you know, Elise really helped, helped with that. And she changed, you know, she helped me change my narrative. When I would tell what I planned to do, I would say things like, yeah, we're gonna, I'm gonna try for a natural birth. And she was like, Lauren, you say you are going to have a natural birth, right? And all of these like things I needed to like, say to myself, like, to, to be sure that, that, that I knew that I could do it within, within me, right? And so we began, we, we hired her on, she came and met with Keith and I, we did a lot of preparing at home exercises, different ways in which he could support me. And then we began to, to create our birth plan, right? And so at this moment in time, I got yoga, right? I got went through Janice's classes. Classes. We had Kristen, I had Elise. And so like, we were really feeling very excited. I, I don't recall there being a whole lot of panic or stress or anything, anything like that. It's not the feeling that, that we had and then, you know, come time to, to birth. We, I had learned through all this education and, and curiosity that you know, I wanted to birth at home as long as I could. I, I knew that I wanted to birth in a hospital, but I did wanna do as most. As much as I could here.

Exie:

right.

Lauren:

because I did learn about, you know, there can be some situations where your body tenses up if you're in, you know, a hospital setting for too long. And so we were good and, and we, I remember it was a Friday evening, I went out with my in-laws and my sister-in-laws and we had dinner and we were celebrating. And I remember feeling some, some labor kind of coming on and then that proceeded to happen from about the next three or so days. But just in the evening, the evening time, of course. Right. So you know, you're fine and your evenings are disruptive and yeah, like I was, I was uncomfortable, but you know, we were able to move through it and it was about three days of that. And then we get to the, the beginning of the week, and I'm off work at this, at this moment in time. And I wanna say this is like a, either a Monday or a Tuesday where my husband got home from work. And, you know, I, I have this picture of me looking back where I am on a yoga, like a big exercise ball. I'm just kind of draped over and I've got my snack and my dog is next to me. And, and my husband took that picture and you could tell like, I was like in the zone,

Exie:

Hmm.

Lauren:

And so Keith is kind of now talking with Elise and letting her know that this is kind of what's going on. And that probably lasted another couple of hours. Just kind of, you know, bobbing and weaving and, and walking and doing things like that. And then kind of tracking where we were at. And, you know, my stuff was kind of packed and ready to go. And, you know, as, as amazed me as my husband did through this, that was the one thing I kept being like, the bag. The bag. And, I don't know why that was the thing that Right, that I could like grab onto is like the piece of control, you know?

Exie:

are right,

Lauren:

And so I had like my bag of you know, I had prepped food,

Exie:

Mm-hmm.

Lauren:

to take to the, to the hospital because again, we can eat when we are giving, you know, in through this. We don't have to, to not, you don't have to starve ourselves. If we want to eat, we can eat, we can drink, right? So I packed the bag of things that were gonna be good for my body for then. And you know, I remember we were getting all of our stuff packed up and my husband made this like really profound thing. He saw like my bag of all the healthy sandwiches and like the nuts and the date, all the things, right? And he was like, Lauren, can we just get a bag of Doritos? And I was like, seriously? And I was like. I so gr like Doritos, like really? And then I was like, okay, like whatever. Not the big of a deal. Just put a bag of Doritos in the bag. Right. So we are, I'm on the exercise ball and I, I say to him at some point between tracking the conversions and the feeling of my surges that I said, I, I think, I think we probably need to start getting ready to go to, to the hospital. I feel ready. I feel like, you know, yeah. It's just the time. So I, I took a shower and, and he kind of got everything ready, the car packed and stuff. And it was funny'cause I was listening to one of your other stories that were shared and they were talking about the roads Right. In Detroit. That's a real, that is totally a real thing.

Exie:

the

Lauren:

I, the potholes, yeah. That is like so, so real. Because that was in my, in my recollection of the drive from, you know, I don't remember a ton of the drive from the house to the hospital, you know,'cause my eyes were closed. I was very deep in like hypno burling training and stuff. But I do remember, you know, kind of grabbing that and wincing and like telling, like grabbing my husband's arm. Like, ugh. Right. I a hundred percent remember that.

Exie:

Mm-hmm.

Lauren:

So, you know, my, my husband also in, in preparing, understood his role in terms of like who to contact and, you know there being like one messenger in our family so that he didn't have to be responding to everybody. So like, all those systems were really set, set up where like, we call the lease and then we called my mom and it was one information feed. My mom would be responsible for letting everybody else in the family know so that Keith could also be as present as he could with me. But we know that family wants to know what's going on. Like, we get that, you know, so we, we, you know, have that in place going in to Henry Ford also.

Exie:

That's

Lauren:

So, yeah, it was nice and it allowed Keith to not be glued to his phone. Right. Because I, I know being on the other side of my nieces being born, when people stop responding to you, you just like, go into like total panic,

Exie:

Yeah. You

Lauren:

you know?

Exie:

in gaps. Mm-hmm.

Lauren:

You do, you're like, why are they responding? And like your logical brain is like, well,'cause they're, they're giving birth, but you're also like, but why isn't somebody responding? So we didn't want anybody to feel necessarily that, but, but we wanted to manage it, right? So we, we showed up at the hospital we get up to triage and again, like, as most people probably say, I, I was in such a deep state of you know, meditative, whatever you wanna necessarily wanna call it, that some of the details of like the last 12 hours, like are in and out, you know. But we, we showed up and I, my husband's got the birth plan. You know, in our folder and it talks about like what we want and what we don't want. And, you know, I don't want IVs and how we wanted the room to be, who we wanted to be in the room, you know, et cetera. And this this was about midnight at this point in time, so about, about midnight. And so we had a newer nurse that was doing the blood work you know, initially, and she kind of pulled out the needle and my husband was like, no, no, no, no. Like done our birth plan. Like she doesn't get any, any, any you know, needles and stuff. And they kind of explained well. We're not putting anything in it. It's, it's just a port. You know what I mean? Just for, and we were like, okay, that's fine. And but the nurse, bless her, was, was very new and was having a really, really hard time

Exie:

Hmm.

Lauren:

with the iv. And I'll tell you that, that I remember that being more uncomfortable than actually sitting in active labor. Right.

Exie:

A lot of people have said that. A lot of my clients

Lauren:

really?

Exie:

have said that. Yes.

Lauren:

Yes. It was really, really uncomfortable. And my husband is looking at me in a lot of uncomfortability and, you know, again, he knew his role, right? Because we had talked about this. And so he kind of stepped in and was like, you know, un unfortunately, like, no, no more, you know, like, we'll go ahead with the port, but we will give like one more shot to do it. And you know, no offense, we just need to have somebody else come in and try, right? Because this isn't going well and this is not how we want things to start. And so, you know, we got that transition and then, then Elise shows up. So he got the new nurse, Elise shows up and I'm like, okay, cool. Like, we're doing this. Had no idea what we were gonna be doing, but I'm like, okay, my people are here, let's go. So we get all checked in and they, the nurse kind of comes in and tells us that there is no, there's no more birthing suites available at this time. And so I need to stay in triage until a birthing room is available, which again, I know no different. I'm a first time mom. Right. So I was like, okay. And I was like,

Exie:

Whatever.

Lauren:

know what a birthing screen. Yeah. I'm kind of like, okay, fine. So we, we go over into, into the triage room and I definitely like. Understood that it was like smaller and there was no bath and stuff like that. But in the moment it really didn't seem to like, it didn't seem like an obstacle. And you know, we get kind of set up and Elise and Keith get the room. Just how we had talked about, we had, you know, our diffuser, we had our crystals. My husband wears patchouli and I like love that smell. So he like made sure to put that on because as he was gonna be, you know, near me or holding me or with me, like that was a smell that was really calming and like, safe for me was just'cause my eyes, you know, weren't gonna be open. So I wasn't gonna always be able to like, see him. But to be able to like smell him or touch him was, was really important for me. And. There we go. And then, so now we're kind of just walking around the room and Keith is doing a great job kind of supporting me and, you know, compressing at the hips and working behind and, you know, doing, doing all the things that, that we had practiced. And, you know, everything's going, you know, smoothly. And I, I'm in like a very, again, like my eyes are closed and I remember, you know, working on a lot of the deep ooo-s.

Exie:

Mm-hmm.

Lauren:

And so, you know, I've heard your other mothers also share like, yeah, you think like, you sound like a cow, right? Like, I think I'm really loud, you know what I mean? And I'm in triage, so like, I'm separated by like a curtain,

Exie:

Yeah.

Lauren:

So I remember being like, my God am I like so loud. And I was like can everybody hear me? Can hear me? And you know, Elise and my husband were like, Keith, were like, no. Like, it's, it's not as loud as you think. I'm like, okay. And so, you know, we're we're, you know, in, in labor and I would get, like, sometimes I would get like high pitched ooo-s and I remember Elise, you know, coaching me to like come back down to like the deep. So I remember her doing that. And I remember at one point I think my blood pressure maybe started to get a little elevated, some, something like that. And I hadn't had high blood pressure issues through pregnancy or anything like that. And so there's like some beeping going on and like you just again, don't love the beeping. Right. And so I kind of was looking over at, I remember looking over at Elise and being like, I, I needed, you know, that sign from her like, what's going on?'cause I can't really talk either, right? Because you're just on like such a deep thing that like talking is actually really, really hard. So it's like you gotta kind of communicate through other means,

Exie:

Right.

Lauren:

right? And that, that's kind of interesting. And the nurse came in at the time because we're in the, we're in the overnight crew. And that's just, that's what happens.

Exie:

Mm-hmm.

Lauren:

That's the other thing that, like, you have to understand. I think when you're birthing in a hospital, just there's shifts. And so the crew at night, my team at night was not my ideal team. I mean, nothing was majorly wrong, but it wasn't, it wasn't the group of women that, that we had built. You know,

Exie:

Yeah.

Lauren:

it was, it was okay for me at the moment because I knew we were gonna be here for a while, and I knew that wasn't gonna be my, my, you know, my team all the whole time. Right.

Exie:

Right, right.

Lauren:

So I looked at Elise and the nurse kind of came in and, you know, she, she definitely looked a little concerned. And I think at, at one point she, you know, suggested giving me fluids or something through, through the iv, and I really looked at Elise like, no, you know what I mean? Like, no. And Elise was like, listen is this, and this is all the questions that you learn working in Hypnobirthing and working with a midwife, is, is this like life threatening vitals

Exie:

Right, right.

Lauren:

And if it's not, do we have time to correct? Because time we usually have a lot of, if we're not in a really high state, right.

Exie:

Right.

Lauren:

But in a lot of times with our medical providers, time is not on their side. So it's immediate cause and, you know what I mean? Like, something happened, fix it, something happened, fix it. And so Elise and my husband were able to, you know, help advocate that. Do we have time to reposition,

Exie:

Mm-hmm.

Lauren:

to maybe get up and see if just a new position helps before we, and you know, the, she was fine, the, the nurse, but it was kind of like, yeah, okay. More like that kind of thing, you know what I mean? And she left and allowed Elise and I to work through like a different position

Exie:

Okay,

Lauren:

and yeah, like in about 15 minutes everything was fine.

Exie:

so

Lauren:

Numbers.

Exie:

your blood pressure was up and then the baby's heart rate was affected by that. Mm-hmm.

Lauren:

Yep. Exactly right. Exactly right. And so, you know, that's why I think we wanted to understand like, what were we dealing, was it something really significant that we needed to act on, or did this feel like we had some time to kind of just adjust some things and, you know, we, and in our situation, we had time, right? And so it just, it just was a position that I was laying in

Exie:

Yep.

Lauren:

that was causing just, you know, that to happen. And that's sometimes part of it, right? And that happens. And so we were able just to kind of move around. I think I was laying on my side at the time and that wasn't a, a good position for vitals. And so getting up, I think moving around the position, kind of moving and, and touching my belly yeah, that was, it moved on. It never happened again,

Exie:

Yeah.

Lauren:

you know, and that's the power too that I, I shared in the beginning of like, really, you know, being like, this is my, my journey. And as long as there aren't. Major, major issues, like I'm in control of what we're gonna do.

Exie:

Yep.

Lauren:

The shift change happened, so I think we're now at 6:00 AM and kind of the team that I had been working with is now here. So my midwife the nurses that I, that I have, have met, so kind of my people join, you know, Elise and Keith, about six, and that was great. I could not tell you a lot about what happened between six and delivery, right? I was just, again, really in a, a very, very deep state. I do remember my girlfriend that I had known from the hospital came in and I remember hearing her voice, but then my eyes were closed. And you know, I had a, I had a long. Labor, I gu, you know it had been three or four days active before coming in, active labor at the hospital, and then we reached some point, I'm not sure the exact time, if, if I had to guess it would probably be somewhere around maybe 10 or 11 in the morning, maybe something like that. My midwife Sarah at Henry Ford, who was just incredible, she, you know, started to talk and it was just so beautiful how she did it because she's, she, she brought everybody to have a conversation.

Exie:

Mm-hmm.

Lauren:

she came in with the nurses and Elise and my husband and we just had a conversation of like, you know, you, you've been in active labor for quite a while.

Exie:

Yeah. Yeah.

Lauren:

And because my envision what I thought was gonna happen is that I'd be like on that, you know, all fours and I'd bear the baby, and baby would just drop down and I would just have baby. That was what was going on in my head. Right? That's how I thought I was gonna birth her. And so Sarah is just like, you know, we've just been at this for a while, you know, and like, I'm, I'm not in a state where I'm concerned or anything's wrong, but we just wanna maintain like your stamina. We wanna make sure that, that you're doing good and that, you know, and she was like, I might recommend that we, we think about going on your back and start, you know, work on like a more of a pushing. And one of the things in what I had learned is like pushing sometimes gets this like, bad wrap of a word. And it did for me too. I, I totally.'cause when she said pushing, I was like, I look, I remember looking at Elise and I'm like, I. I'm not supposed to push, baby's just supposed to come out.

Exie:

Right.

Lauren:

I was initially like, no. Like, what do you mean? I have to go on my back and, and push, like, I don't think that that's what is supposed to happen.

Exie:

Mm-hmm.

Lauren:

And Elise looked at me and she was like, Lauren, I birthed both my kids on my back. It is just fine. You're not going against anything. You know what I mean? I just want you to know that, that like, it is, it is okay to birth on your back.

Exie:

Yeah.

Lauren:

I was like, okay. And we got on my, my back and I think you know, I probably actively, you know, pushed or so for, for maybe an hour and a half maybe. I don't even really remember. It could have been shorter, frankly. I really don't remember. And that was really intense. The only part that I remember feeling is I didn't know what this feeling was called until some, some gals told me, but I felt the ring of fire when her head, that's what some people termed it when I would, I'm like, I don't know. And I was like, I just remember feeling this like crazy burning sensation and they're like, oh, the ring a fire. And I was like. Yeah, that's what that's called. That's definitely what happened. So I remember that was like, really, like when I talk about like pain, you know, a lot of people when they, they talk about, and I don't, I don't recall experiencing pain. Was I uncomfortable? Yes. Did I have surges? A hundred percent. But the ring of fire was definitely that. Like, ooh, okay. And you know, we had the mirror up and Sarah said, you know, Lauren, her head is, is right here, you know, do you, do you wanna see? And I was like, I think it was the first time I opened my eyes and felt like a day, you know, like I hadn't, my eyes had just been closed for so long. And so I see like her head and I was like, oh my God. Okay. And and then she really just beautifully came out. My husband was right there. You know, he was holding one leg. Elise was holding the other leg. Elise is filming, you know, so we got, like, she's taking pictures and filming. So we got like some really, really nice photos and you know, to be able to have, and you know, they placed baby right, right on me, right on my belly. And this moment that I'll describe next is something that my husband, it stays with him and he shares all the time because we learned through working with all of our, our people that sometimes in birth that the baby will crawl.

Exie:

Mm-hmm.

Lauren:

Instinctively up to the breast, right? We had learned that that was a thing. And so you know, the team put baby right on on me, and she did. And Keith was able to get it on video and she just did her little instinctive crawl, like, up my body. And I was like, oh. And I knew I was gonna breastfeed, or at least that was my intention, you know? But like, that's the other piece that like, you don't really talk about it like baby's earth side, you know what I mean? And I knew I wanted to br but, and so I was like, okay. And baby just kind of came up and she kind of just like latched on. I'm like, okay, like we're doing this breastfeeding thing. Like, I don't know. I don't know what we're doing, but we're doing it right. And I remember being like, wow, and this is happening. And as that is happening I delivered the placenta. I. I think I was listening to Elisa's story and you know, sometimes she described it as like the blah kind of moment. Right? And that's so perfect. That's exactly how it felt. And I'm sitting there and, you know, I'm holding, holding baby with me and my husband there, you know, he's crying and it's just like this really beautiful moment. And then, you know, we're, we're in this room of like, these just really incredibly. Profound, like wise women, right? And they are talking about my placenta. I, that's also something that I didn't really fully explore. Like, I was like, I, I knew that that came out after, but I didn't really know much beyond that. And so this, this group of like medical women and, and birthing like, you know, enthusiasts standing around the table looking at my placenta and they were like, this is so beautiful. And they were like, this is like the most, this is like, so intact. I mean, they were just like in awe. And I remember hearing this and they were like, do you wanna see? And I'm kind of like, I'm good. Like I'm, I'm all about like natural, but I'm good. I'm, that was the point where I was like, I'm okay. And Elise was like, I dunno, Lauren, it's really beautiful and I. I don't really know. And so I just remember that conversation happening. And you know, keep in mind, I I, I didn't mention this'cause it kind of skipped my mind, but we, we decided to stay in triage. So, so they they did, yes, they did come at like, I think some point and we're like, oh, we have a room for you. And we're like, no, like we're committed, we're here, our energy's here, everything is here. Like, we're not just gonna like, you know, pick up and go. So she, she was delivered in, in triage and so we just have like this, you know, curtain and baby is now, you know, like, like I talking about and the women in the room and they were, we shared the name and her name is Luna Rose. And there's where there was this like deep silence, like this all kind of thing in the room and. Everybody was like, what? What did you say her name was? And I was like, Luna Rose. And there was four women, it was Elise, a midwife, I mean midwife Sarah and two, two female nurses. And every single one of those women went around and their daughter either was named Luna, or was named Rose, or had a middle name of Luna or Rose. So we were all like, gosh, we were so divinely put here together.

Exie:

Mm-hmm.

Lauren:

like was supposed to happen this way. And like how incredible that that four women here are sharing this kinda together. And you know, everybody's kind of sobbing at this point. And'cause that was just like, I think touching to everybody. And so midwives, nurses Keith we're all just like, oh my gosh, it was very powerful. And Sarah, our midwife, came up kind of closer to me and she, she looked me like right, kind of in the eyes and she said to me thank you so much for this birth and letting me be here that I'll get choked up talking about it because it was so personal. And she was like, but like, thank you so much for this. And she was like, I have had a stretch of not so great births.

Exie:

Hmm.

Lauren:

And she was like, and this really restored why I do what I do. And she's like, and it brought back like that this, this is possible that this is what we are capable of doing and this is it. This room right now, this is it. And I'm like, you know, just had a baby. So I'm like, you know, waterworks and would never have thought that that would have impacted. A midwife, right. Like that, who you're like, they do this stuff all the time, you know? But it looks, looks differently a lot of the time,

Exie:

Yep.

Lauren:

you know?

Exie:

Yeah.

Lauren:

Yeah, yeah. So we, so at that point in time we kinda wrapped things up. We went in to, to our suite and I was hungry and I was excited to have what I had heard that hospital food is good. So I was kind of excited about that. We got it. It was not good. So I was like, okay. It was not good at all. It was like really bad.

Exie:

oh, no.

Lauren:

And so I was like, oh. I was like looking forward to this, like whatever it was gonna be, you know, just something you know, that I was gonna just totally engorge. And so I was like, okay, well I guess we're gonna get the bag of food that I brought, like, you know, my Turkey sandwich and all that kind of stuff. And then I saw the bag of Doritos, I Exie, and I, I was like. Nope, I want the Doritos. And I sat there happy as a clam, holding my new baby and eating a bag of Doritos

Exie:

goodness. I

Lauren:

and

Exie:

that.

Lauren:

kind of came full circle there. And

Exie:

willing to, to give those up for you.

Lauren:

he was sleeping and he was willing, yes, he was resting, he was really resting at that point. But I definitely told him that, that I am taking these. And at that point he was like, no problem. You know, because I deserve'em. And you know, I'm riding off the high right, that our body gives off. Like he is to a certain degree, but doesn't have the physiological high. So he, he's a lot, he actually was more tired than I was, you know, post, post baby. So yeah,

Exie:

I love

Lauren:

that's my story.

Exie:

Oh

Lauren:

Yeah.

Exie:

Thank you so much for sharing that, that there are, there are several points that the story that I just wanna highlight. The first is when you brought your daughter into the appointment with the midwives and she was able to participate. And I think that that's one of the things that I know I try to teach my, my clients I just came from the Michigan Department of Health and Human Services, Maternal Infant Health Summit, and we had this beautiful plenary with Reginald Day where he talked about. How we can involve fathers it's really a family. When a, when a baby is born, it is a family event. It changes the dynamics of the family. And so your ability and your graciousness of helping her come into that space and the graciousness of your providers to do that as well, I mean, that's gonna imprint on her for the rest of her life too. And when she gets to the age where she's considering whether or not she wants to have children, I'm sure that that memory will stay with her.

Lauren:

Yeah. She talks about it a hundred percent being able to be there. Right. Because, you know, yeah. Our, our other children are involved. If you, if they just see mom pregnant and then I go to an appointment and I come back and I go to an appointment and I come back, you know, they don't understand what's going on or what am I doing at that appointment, or they can't hear the conversation or ask their own questions right. About what might be happening. And so I, I so agree with you that including it and really reframing this from this being a, a mother's experience to, it's really, it's, it's a family

Exie:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. I also love, so labor and delivery beds are not made for comfort. Right. But triage beds are even worse. So

Lauren:

I know and I had no idea. I know, I know. And I had no idea. And Elise will tell me that when she, when we talk about our birth story, she'll be like, the fact that you were in a triage bed. And I was like, I guess it's to my benefit that it was a first time thing because I don't know what the alternative was.

Exie:

right, right. Yeah. Those beds are so much more narrow. They're

Lauren:

Yes.

Exie:

mattresses are very, very thin and every, like, the feet don't go down or up the, the top does, but it's manual. So there's like, there's. There's not this kind of smooth up and

Lauren:

No, and you're right, because when I did get finally into the laboring delivery room, you're right, that bed is so much wider,

Exie:

Yes.

Lauren:

you know, like there's so much more space. Like two people could fit in there. Yeah. Triage, no, no, no,

Exie:

Oh my

Lauren:

no. Narrow bed.

Exie:

That's amazing. That's amazing. And also really appreciated the flexibility of your providers, the nurses, your midwives, because had this conversation with a client recently where we were talking I said to, to her, I said, it's their responsibility to accommodate you, not the other way around. You're the one giving birth

Lauren:

Mm-hmm.

Exie:

It's not your responsibility to accommodate them and make their job easier.

Lauren:

Mm-hmm.

Exie:

You have the, the most important job at that moment.

Lauren:

Yeah. Yeah. It's so, so true. But I feel like, yeah, unless we, us moms are, you know open to curiosity and seek that information out like you do for, for your moms I think we, we forget that we have that ability.

Exie:

Yeah. Yeah. So it's beautiful that you share your story with with people in your life that you come across. It's beautiful that you've agreed to share it in this platform to reach people that are not necessarily in your circle.

Lauren:

Yeah.

Exie:

as a first time mom too, I think the, the fact that you were so courageous to question the normal dynamics, to be open to hearing these little things and letting those seeds be planted and then explore them, so. What, is that just your personality or was that something unique to being pregnant? What do you think contributed to that?

Lauren:

Such a great question. People have asked me that before actually. And it's definitely a pers it's definitely a personality trait and but here's what I'll tell you that I think is, is an important for any, any mom that's listening is so I have continued my relationship with, with Elise kind of outside and now kind of work with her in other capacities of work that, that she's doing in, in the, the motherhood space. And what I have been able to kind of share with, with Elise and others is that I am curious and I want to learn a lot about what's, what's out there, but I also am really overwhelmed with information. So. It's really hard for me to like be a singular person going out and trying to find things. Because I, I want to know them, but I just like, I'm kind of daunted by it. I, I don't really want to go and do all of it, but I want the information.

Exie:

Right?

Lauren:

So what has like really worked for me is, is finding those trusted people that have already done the research, they've already done the work, and can kind of give me the CliffNotes version,

Exie:

Yeah.

Lauren:

you will, so that I feel empowered to make decisions. I'm in control, but I don't have to spend like hours and hours like spiraling and trying to figure some something out. And that's translated over into how I care for the girls today, where I seek out a ton of information, but it's from people that, that I've trusted in whatever vertical that might be. And I think that's such like an interesting, you know, perspective to look at it.'cause like we're not. You know, we don't have to do this by ourselves and there are people out there that do this stuff. So we don't have to be scrolling and finding all of this information. We can be curious and work with people that do this for a living.

Exie:

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And changing providers. So I try to tell my clients as early on as I can, sometimes even before they get pregnant, when I was doing prenatal massage, if they were letting me know that they were wanting to get pregnant and they were just coming to me for regular massage, is pick your facility first and then pick your

Lauren:

Mm-hmm.

Exie:

provider. Like what your ideal birth is. In your mind, and then pick the facility that could closely deliver that to you, and then pick your provider. And so many times I think women either just continue the relationship they had with their gynecologist who also happens to be an ob. and they're afraid, they're afraid to hurt their feelings. They're, they're afraid. It's, it's, like you said, overwhelming and daunting to think about. can changing facilities and the insurance aspect and all of that.

Lauren:

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Exie:

it's, it, it sounds when you, when you tell your story, it sounds like it, it sort of sounds like there was a little bit of a buildup to that, but it also sort of sounds like you made that decision rather quickly. So can you, can you expound on that

Lauren:

Yeah,

Exie:

piece a little bit?

Lauren:

I did. Yeah, because I think again, just from, just from conditional learning, when you, you kind of find out you're pregnant and then, you know, I knew that, you know, most providers wouldn't see you until you're like, you know, three or so months pregnant, or, or, you know, as long as bar and everything is, is seemingly going well. And so for me, that was what I. Was, okay, well I gotta get in and like with somebody, like check me out and make sure that I like, have all the things that I'm supposed to, to have. Like is they all, that's just like where my, my brain naturally went to. And I think so many people do because it's like, okay, well somebody's gotta confirm this. You've gotta look at vitals, you have to do this, you have to, you have to find somebody first. Right. And like you said, Exie, when I was in prenatal yoga, I very, that's how I learned where a lot of the other moms that were further along exactly what you just said, find the facility. And so when I started talking about in prenatal yoga class that this is what I think I wanted, you know, I still a lot more to learn, but I think this is what I want my birth to look like. Then people were starting to share, okay, Ann Arbor, Henry Ford West Bloomfield, and they started like kinda giving me suggestions and so I was like. Yeah. Had, had we asked that question kind of or went through that in a little bit of a different steps, how do I want my birth to feel and then go into it. But I think you're in, you're in like the height of the moment, so you're just like, okay, I gotta find a provider.'cause like somebody's gotta confirm that everything's going right.

Exie:

right, right.

Lauren:

Yeah.

Exie:

Yeah. And, what did that feel like? What? What did that feel like to you when going into your provider and like having to have that conversation? Because I think that's also what a lot of people are afraid of. Is that kind of challenging, that authority figure?

Lauren:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we had seen the, the, the OB maybe, like I said, maybe two or three times if, if that, maybe only twice. So, so we did recognize fairly early on that we wanted to do the facility. So we didn't have a ton and at that point invested. And you know, I was really, you know, when I called them up and said we wouldn't be continuing it was really just, for me, it was a little bit, I feel like, kind of easier.'cause actually those are conversations that normally I dread, like I can barely change a hair appointment, you know what I mean? Because I was like, I don't wanna call and do that, right? So thinking of like telling an ob, but for me it actually just worked out because I was really simply able to say like, you know, I'm gonna be birthing at Henry Ford and you don't. So I had a little bit of an easier conversation

Exie:

Yeah.

Lauren:

because it just was black and white. But I can definitely see if. Your original provider still delivered at the, the new place you wanted to go, how that might be an uncomfortable conversation, but I think it's just continuing to surround yourself with people that you know, share your vision. And, and I think, you know, like what I talked about at the beginning, I, I can't emphasize this enough. What I thought was just a prenatal yoga class became the circle. And gosh, do we need circles and we need, we need women in circles together working together alongside one another, because that is just like, we're, so much wisdom

Exie:

Mm-hmm.

Lauren:

is shared and my heart just goes out to people that have to do it alone. You know what I mean? That maybe, whatever, because it's like I, I don't know how I would've gotten through or, you know, been fortunate enough to, to really create a care circle, you know, for myself because I put myself in a place where other women were gonna be.

Exie:

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. And that leads me to probably my final question, which is about your husband. So

Lauren:

Yes.

Exie:

like, I mean, you, you've talked about him as being this wonderful, really involved, really curious dad and dad to be. And a lot of men, they don't understand why their birthing loved one would want to bring in a doula. So

Lauren:

Mm-hmm.

Exie:

what was that like? I mean, he sounds very open,

Lauren:

Yeah. Yeah. He didn't, he did not know what a doula was. So, so fair enough. When I brought up the word, he had no idea what that was. And so he, he was kind of like, okay, well, like what is, what's the role you, I mean, so like, he was definitely kind of, you know, cautious to, luckily he, he, he knew Elise through, you know, other, other means. And so I think that for sure helped had I brought in somebody that maybe I didn't know, I'm not sure how that dynamic would have really gone, or maybe he would've been a little bit more skeptical to it. But I think once, you know he learned about it and I explained to him why I needed somebody else there. That was maybe the turning point for him where I was like, listen, I need you to be here for me as like your wife and your baby and stuff, but, but you are not, you are not tr trained in, in this space to, to advocate for me in the way, like you're gonna advocate for me'cause I'm your wife. You know what I mean? But, but there are certain skills that you are, you are not gonna have and that's okay. You don't have to have them.'cause guess what? We can bring in this. And I think that was a conversation I remember having with him that there are skills that you don't have that I need in the room with us for a level of security. You know, and for what I need to feel safe is, is to have an extra layer, layer of support. And I think when I explained to him that way. Then it was like, yeah, I get it. And then when, when Elise would come over and she, she showed what her role was, he actually became very complimentary and very appreciative of her preparing him too. Because again, it's not just about preparing me, it's also about, you know, working with a doula, preparing him for what, what he's gonna go through. His first time around, he was a bystander this time around, he was an active participant. And so that was gonna look and feel very differently to him, you know, and you know, he, he held the responsibility of also like. You hold the re responsibility of reshaping what it means to be a father in the room.

Exie:

Mm-hmm.

Lauren:

we have that conversation, you know, just as it gets, you know, we get so much as, as mom and women to break generational cycles. Well, like you have responsibility too, right? And you have a responsibility to break the generational cycle too, that men are active participants in birth.

Exie:

Mm-hmm.

Lauren:

And we had a lot of those, like really deep, you know, conversations about that kind of stuff, you know, and I was like, it's not just on in on me, it's, it's your responsibility too. And luckily we, we have the, where we can talk really deep like that, but I think that was a real heavy moment for him too.

Exie:

Sure, sure. And I'd imagine that he is educating his male friends and co-workers

Lauren:

Yes.

Exie:

and everything about

Lauren:

Yes.

Exie:

this is what birth can look like, if you want

Lauren:

Exie, I'll Exie,, I will tell you, he is like sometimes more advocating than I am because he will, people that have been in our circle that have been, you know, getting ready, he will be the first in line to be like, let me tell you what me and my wife did. So we did this, we talked about hypnobirthing. I was in the room. Like, he will shout it that like this was different for him'cause he had the ability to see it two different ways. And he is like such an advocate that he will talk to anybody that will listen to him. I'm telling you about why this was a, was different and why he would advocate for all of the things that we went through and, but like, get in the room, be there. And he'll, I remember him on the phone with friends being like, you know, you can question, you can ask questions.

Exie:

Yeah.

Lauren:

You know, so like, that's fantastic. Yeah.

Exie:

That,

Lauren:

Yep. Yep.

Exie:

is really that is really amazing. And and so that ripple effect your birth you know, ripples to your children, of course, but also then to your intimate circle who knew who your mom was updating and then expands further. And the fact that your midwife felt this shift in her, in herself from witnessing your, what normal physiological birth looks like and that time period, that COVID time period. Yes. All of those healthcare workers experienced very, very hard things.

Lauren:

Mm-hmm. so your ability to gift her with that reminder is just that ripple effect is gonna, I'm sure, has already reached hundreds of women. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I believe so too. Yeah, we all, we all had a moment together, that's for sure.

Exie:

Well, that is so beautiful. Thank much

Lauren:

Yes,

Exie:

Lauren. Is there anything else that you'd like to share before we sign off?

Lauren:

No, thanks for just giving me the, the platform and, and the work that you're doing is amazing because I, I, so, I just couldn't agree more that we need to talk about this stuff and women need to be heard and share for whatever experience they went through. Right. We're all, we're all here to hear it and uplift one another, so thanks for giving the platform.

Exie:

Oh, you're so welcome. I feel so honored that you came

Lauren:

Yeah.

Exie:

on today. So I hope you have a great

Lauren:

Thank you.

Exie:

day and

Lauren:

Thank you.

Exie:

we'll

Lauren:

talk

Exie:

again real soon.

Lauren:

Yeah, sounds great. Have.

Exie:

Thanks. Bye-bye. Thank you for spending time with me today on Metro Detroit Birth Stories. If you loved this episode, let me know. Leave a review, share it with a friend, and come connect with me on Instagram@metrodetroitbirthsupport and if you have a birth story to share, I would love to hear it. Please take a moment to reach out to me, whether it was six months ago or 60 years ago. Your story could be the inspiration for someone who hears it to gain the confidence they need as they embark on their own birth journey. My email is in the show notes. This podcast is produced and funded by me, and I really appreciate you listening. Until next time, take care. Be gentle with yourself. Be kind to others, and remember, every birth story deserves to be told. The music you hear on Metro Detroit Birth Stories has been provided by Purple Planet Music, written and performed by Chris Martyn and Geoff Harvey.

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Exie Buehler

Host